The Annals and History of Nome - Tactless Gitticus

...The arrogant and sycophantic Laurius Liincimus Vacuous, General of the ill-fated IXth Legion, was the first to come face to face with the Boche Halflings.

Believing himself to be invincible and disdaining the Boche as mere savages, he led his soldiers on an expedition from which none but he returned.

Many were the rumours concerning the fate of the Legion, and its Imperial Standard - the Emperor’s Ass - some said that the Boche had kicked the Emperor’s Ass, others that Vacuous had pinched it.

The truth was at last revealed when a relief force discovered the site of the massacre.  It seemed that the Nomans had been caught totally unprepared by the Boche and had been slaughtered to a man.

Forensic study of the scene suggests that the Legion was busily involved in trying to get Vacuous’s nose out of the Emperor’s Ass, where it had become stuck, when the Boche struck.

Vacuous returned many months later, without his nose.  The Emperor, in pity ordered a new nose, of gold, made for him, after it transpired that he had survived because the Boche Edd Khase - Issvase  was too busy laughing at his plight to kill him. Issvase ordered that the standard, with Vacuous attached, be set up outside his home, so that he would see him each morning and lighten his heart.

Vacuous escaped by hacking through his own nose with a piece of flint - yes - he cut off his nose to spite Issvace!...





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