THE BOCHE NATION.
The Boche nation is a single people divided by their common blood and language into myriad of clans or tribes, each constantly at war with each other unless there’s an international game on. The Ard Khase, Scott the Fortieth introduced the game of Footbrawl in an attempt to reduce the level of inter-clan violence.
History doesn’t remember Scott XXXX as a smart king...
As he lay dying of the wounds he received in the ensuing battle after Willmaul got knocked out by Halfling’ Divided in the ninth round of the Daktari Cup; Scott XXXX was heard to moan “I thought tiddly-winks had too much risk of violence spilling off the pitch and into the crowd, I thought this game would get the lads together... Perhaps I should get them to play ruuaagh...”
Due to the escalating level of carnage, and the lack of available, undamaged fighting men for foreign wars to say nothing of the drain on the National Elf Service, his successor - Scott XXXXI* - called a council of all the Edd Khases in the land to discuss a means to stop the fighting.
The discussions of the council went on for three weeks until the survivors had what they thought was a workable solution. They suggested a scapegoat, someone the fans could hate more than each other, someone to be despised, reviled, and probably dismembered.
Someone called... Rough ‘Arry...
...We’ll zoom in on one county of the Boche Federation - Maschachewshidtz. Now, as we draw nearer, see the pit block. (The Boche live in holes, not nice comfortable holes, but nasty, dirty, wet holes, filled with the ends of bottles and a queasy smell) - they call them ‘smells’ - and they are arranged in rows, one above the other, in the side of any convenient quarry or landfill site. This one is known as “Bitter Smells”.
The local Wellard - Boris, rules Bitter Smells. Boris is a kindly soul and he has selflessly decided to look after some of the booty taken from the IX Legion after he found it lying about in the street in the county town of Bocheton with only a couple of Neds guarding it.
Boris may not realise it, but he has a problem, he has his hands on the Emperor’s Ass and our dear Maximum Voluum wants it. He doesn’t want a piece of the Emperor’s Ass, he wants it all, and he knows where to look!
*The Halflings like to know the name of their Ard Khase, and, as some Ard Khases reign for a very short time, this can cause problems. The problem was solved when Scott I (20th Jan - 11th Feb) decided that all Ard Khases henceforth would be named Scott.
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